Fight to be the Mom your kids need..
Some say “you make being a Mom look so easy”. Truth is, it’s not easy, but I’m learning how to navigate through the journey of Motherhood. It’s a process and “some days I’m like ok, God you can come see about me now! “
One thing my Mother taught me was don’t ever look like what you’re going through. So even on those day were I feel frazzled, I get up, I wash my face, I take a long hot bath, brush my teeth, fix me a cup of coffee, and I keep going. “You’re a Mom” , is what I tell myself and the frustration and exhaustion comes along with the territory and truth is we can’t take any days off lol. We just have to learn how to navigate through it. Not saying that an occasional break isn’t necessary.
A transparent moment with you, I wasn’t always the Mother I am today. I often apologize to my oldest daughter for not being “this” Mom I am today when she was the twins age. Motherhood is a process. It doesn’t come with a manual and we make mistakes and yes, there will be times you should apologize.
I had my oldest, Lexi, when I was 23 years old. I was six months into my first marriage when I found out I was pregnant. I was unhappy, I was young, and I was confused. Just to pause before I get into more. Although my ex husband and I had our differences, I will never have a negative word to say when speaking of him. We are actually in a good place and work well with each other now ( whew, it took awhile lol) but we are in a great space! Alexa, play “It’s been a lonnngggg long time coming....” I’m kidding , ok ok I’m not, but back to my story. I was LOST.....
So, here I am in a marriage that I’m lost in and now I’m pregnant. I remember thinking “what in the world am I going to do with a child”? At the time I wasn’t as close with my family and had pretty much isolated myself from them. Crazy, I know! That’s a different story to tell. So, I digress.
Three years after giving birth, I decided I no longer wanted to be in a marriage where I wasn’t loved properly. I decided I wanted more. I wanted to feel wanted. I left. Even though it was my choice to end it, I went through an emotional battle. I remember thinking, I’ve failed. I’ve failed myself. I’ve failed my child. I’ve failed my parents. I’m a failure. I felt low and so embarrassed.
Through all of those emotions. Through all my highs and lows. I had a child. A child and it wasn’t her fault that this was happening, but she wasn’t getting the best mother I could be. Truth was I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’ve lived for years being someone who wasn’t me. It was unfair for my dear sweet child to get the short end of the stick because her Mom was healing and trying to find herself. Thankfully, my parents stepped in and picked up where I lacked.
My daughter had grown so fond of my Mom you would think my Mother was her mom lol. Thank you, Mom for loving your granddaughter the way you did and do. It takes a village and geesh you were my village❤️.
I went through my redefining moment in life while raising a small child, but I found Me. I found the Mom she needed me to be. I found my love for life and I wanted to live.
Today, I speak to that Mother who feels like she’s in that same dark place. That Mom who is suffering postpartum and you’re not yourself. I speak to the woman battling depression. To the one who is breaking generational curses within and raising kids. I speak to the lady who is suffering with knowing how to love their kids properly because you were never loved properly. I say to you find the Mother in you that your child(ren) need you to be. Be the mom that your kids need you to be so when they grow up they can be the parents their children need them to be.
Know who you are and if you don’t know, fight until you find HER!
Healthy parents raise healthy children.
So, when you see me with my girls baking cookies, posting pics of their perfectly plated meals, supporting my husband, and wearing matching outfits. Know that I worked hard to be this Mom and Wife, and I’m proud of it!
Thank you for reading❤️