What is it about today's black man?
Why are so many of them so very broken? More importantly why is it that so many of them don’t want to be made aware of their brokenness?
They know it, they just don’t want to know it.
It can be worked on; they just choose not to work on it.
There is help; they just rather not seek help.
Now before I get in deep, deep trouble, I do want to say that I am not describing ALL black men, but I must say I am describing more than a few.
Black men have this complex, especially when it comes to women. Very few black men know how to keep their manhood when in a relationship with a strong, educated, opinionated, powerful woman…..black woman.
I find that many black men find it necessary to put women down, ONLY celebrate us as sexual beings, belittle us, NEVER giving us compliments unless it has to do with our ASSets, all to control us while boosting their own ego.
So many black men aren’t even comfortable complimenting the women in their lives that they actually know and love.
Encouragement? Forget about it.
But many black men are quick to tell women what they need to change or be better in. Many black men say mean things to women and I be damned if we take offense to it, all of a sudden its us who cant take a “joke”. That’s the thing with black men, its always us, never them. Black men find it hard to hold themselves accountable. They find it difficult to communicate how they are feeling. This makes relationships with black men extremely difficult.
My ex recently told me that he knows he is a f**ked up person and a messed up baby father and he has come to terms with it and accepted it. His words, not mine.
I was in utter shock. “So you know you could do better but you just choose not to?” Why?
I can imagine because it is much easier to accept your immaturity than to put in the effort to fix your brokenness. Maybe the thought of bringing up old wounds that you never spoke about is just too scary to bare.
Maybe you had an absent father, maybe you were abused, maybe you just were taught the wrong things about what it means to be a good man to your family, maybe you weren’t taught at all.
Maybe these thoughts are too painful to unveil.
But anything that doesn’t grow only dies. And you might be physically here on this earth but never whole, never complete because you are too afraid to fight your demons.
Now you’ve lost your family and you are too damaged to fight for them. You’ve given up on your gifts and you are too burdened to believe in your dreams.
I wont say it is easy to be a black man or even pretend to understand, God knows I don’t and I wish I did.
What I do know is that we love you. Us, black women, we aren’t by any means perfect, but we love you in a way that no one else can. We’ve birthed you, we’ve raised you, we admire you. We dream of you, fantasize about you, and we yearn for you.
And when you are broken, so are we.