I'd hate to admit this, but I promised myself that if I were going to write a personal blog, I would be 100% real, truthful, and honest. And the honest truth is, I have never been in a monogamous relationship. I’d bet there are many other people out there who also have yet to experience a monogamous relationship, whether they choose to know it or not.
I have been in three serious relationships in my adult life and I didn’t remain faithful in any of them…. Well except the last one, but the truth is I got pregnant quickly in that relationship and thought it best I settle down and try to create a family with my son’s father. We then broke up shortly after my son was born.
Simply put, I wasn’t given enough time to cheat or I am 95% sure I would have.
I don’t say this to be boastful or to minimize the emotional pain of being on the other side. I too have been cheated on, in all three of those serious relationships. I felt the hurt and the insecurities it causes. I’m sure your wondering, if I no the pain of being cheated on, how could I then go out and cheat?
I first want to be clear; when I use the word “cheat” I don’t necessarily mean having sexual intercourse with someone else. Cheating can be many things. Sexting, secretly spending time with someone you have romantic feelings for, and of course kissing, or touching someone else sexually are all forms of cheating. If you have to hide it from your significant other, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
I would often blame my inability to stay “faithful” to one person on being young. Thinking, once I get older and more mature I wont need so much “excitement”. I’d sometimes blame it on the fact that I’ve never been in love. Hoping that one-day a prince charming would come about and I’d only have eyes for him.
Maybe those things are true, but if I am being completely honest, and I am, I don’t think so. I am not sure if people are meant to be monogamous. It is not really a question of CAN we be monogamous but it is a question of FOR HOW LONG can we be monogamous.
It seems that in only romantic relationships is there this pressure to only have one. We have two parents. Many of us have multiple siblings. We have many friends, close friends who we all love equally. We are allowed to have many children and it is normal for us to love them all just the same. But when it comes to romantic relationships, at least in my culture (African American and Christian) it is forbidden.
Now don’t get me wrong, I, like any other woman, don’t want a man that’s going to cheat on me, but what I am asking is……..is forever possible?
Not just for my spouse, but for me?
For how long can we remain monogamous?