He was perfect. And I do mean perfect in every since of the word. From his brown butter pecan skin to his jet-black luscious hair that seemed to slip right between my fingertips. I remember how much I use to love to grab it when he made love to me.
It wasn’t love though I don’t know what the hell it was. Possibly infatuation.
I met him first when we were small kids in elementary school. He liked me. I paid him absolutely no mind. We became reacquainted again as adults thanks to the magic of the world wide web paired with Mark Zuckerburg.
We would comment on each others posts here and there as people do. And one day I saw him out…. Live and in person.
My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest. Something about him was extremely captivating. His charm, his confidence, the way he seemed to look right through me. I had never admired a man so much before in my life.
I decided I would have him. After all, there has never been anything I wanted that I couldn’t get.
That night I prayed that God would somehow get me out of this shitty relationship that I was in and I could end up with this beautiful brown man.
I kid you not, the day after this prayer; there he was in the supermarket. The next week there he was working at my gym. It was like God had answered my prayers and suddenly I am seeing this guy all of the time.
I got out of my shitty relationship and got involved with my “Dream” guy. In my mind, it was already written, he was it. He was everything I wanted and now God had given him to me!!!
…oh except one small thing….
he didn’t love me.
Our connection was totally one sided. Needless to say like all one-sided relationships, we fell apart. He began to distance himself from me once I became honest about my feeling for him.
As the years passed I had always thought of him and wondered what could have been or what would be had we ever run into each other again.
Of course that day came.
I ran into him at a club where he was bartending.
I saw him, that beautiful brown butter pecan man that I once knew I loved and you know what I felt?
There were no fireworks, no butterflies, no spectacular moment.
Surprisingly, I was quite disappointed at the nothingness. I thought I’d love him forever. I thought he would forever be perfect in my eyes. But he wasn’t. There was no charm or electricity.
I wondered to myself....if love dies, was it ever even love
or was it all a dream?