For so long I have been afraid of my hair.
I grew up with a very negative mindset about my natural thick and course hair. I was made to believe my hair was hard to manage. I’d envy the girls with soft, curly, “manageable” hair. Hair stylist always complained that I had “heavy hair”.
I was mostly sent to the hair salon to get my hair done as a child. Therefore I didn’t have a personal relationship with my hair. The only thing that concerned me in regards to my hair was vanity, not the health of my hair. That isn’t to say I never liked how my hair was styled as a child. I always felt prettiest with my hair straightened or relaxed.
2 years ago I made the decision to shave my head. I was 8 months into an unplanned pregnancy with my first child and in a stressful relationship. I was hella hormonal and I was extremely vulnerable. I was looking to take back control of my life after feeling I had lost complete control. This wasn’t my plan; I didn’t plan to have a baby with a man I knew I wasn’t in-love with. I didn’t plan to bring my first child home to my one bedroom, bachelorette apartment. I couldn’t control my life circumstances at the time but I could control how I looked.
I couldn’t explain it then, that constant urge to big chop. Part of me thought I was officially loosing my mind and having a Britney Spears moment, part of me just wanted to rebel against what everyone else thought I should be. But I feel, spirit, god, the universe (whatever you call it), I think the Great I Am knew that my life was transitioning in a huge way.
I must admit when I first cut my hair I thought, WTF did I just do? My boyfriend hated it, I felt unattractive and my baby shower was the next week. Which I purchased a wig for, but even that couldn’t hide my insecurities.
I then just said fuck it! I decided I wasn’t going to hide it. I was gonna rock my TWA (teeny weeny afro) and I was going to learn my hair.
That’s when the love affair began.
This journey of loving my natural hair is still a process but 2 years later I can honestly say I love it more now than I ever have.
There is something about nurturing something that comes from you and watching it grow healthily and knowing that your hands provided its care.
It’s more than vanity. Taking care of my hair is self care, self love. It has been a part of my spiritual journey, my journey as a woman.