I’ve noticed a co-parenting trend.
People make co-parenting look like the hip, new way to go. More and more I see co –parents going on vacations together, spending holidays together, and even having dinners with their ex spouses along with their new mates. As much as I admire how mature and pride-less these people must be..guess what? I’m not there yet and I refuse to force myself to be a moment before I’m ready. Trust me I tried it, the shit didn’t work.
I tried hanging out with my ex and our son together as a family. I’d tell myself I was simply doing this for the sake of our son. Secretly I’d be fantasizing about us being a family again and having a romantic relationship. I hadn’t healed yet. It doesn’t help that we didn’t stick to the boundaries we set. We’d refrain from being intimate with one another for several months until one or both of us couldn’t take it anymore and we’d end up right where we started, in bed together. Every time we made the mistake of having sex it was like starting all over again. And here I am yet again starting over.
Co-parenting is rough! It is not a bed of roses. It is not fun vacations with no emotional turmoil, it is not a walk in central park both holding our kids hand smiling for the camera. It is work! Not only is it work with your ex but most importantly is it is work on yourself!
I do believe with two respectable mature adults you can co-parent successfully. Not everyone’s co-parenting relationship will look the same and that’s ok. Every stage is different. Right now I can’t bare to spend time with my sons dad, it hurts too bad. Regardless of that, my son has two parents who deeply love him and he gets all that he needs and more from us both, just separately. He’s happy and he doesn’t know it to be any other way.
Don’t feel forced to have this blissful co-parenting relationship where you must all happily spend time with one another. I am learning to be ok with where I am. As long as Maverick is happy I have done my job.
Share your co-parenting relationship!